This is where I am happy
by Emme019
Summary: Post 6x08. Mary and Tom have a conversation about Henry that, once again, turns into a fight. But perhaps there is more to the fight than they dare to admit. Set two weeks after the final episode of season 6.


Mary was rummaging through her clothes, holding up the hangers so she could see her dresses and decide whether or not she should take them with her, when a knock on her bedroom door made her look up. She saw Tom carefully looking behind the slightly agape door before he decided it was safe to enter.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you," Tom said with a look at the ever-growing pile of clothes on Mary's bed.

"Not at all," Mary replied, the look on her face still quite stern. "Tell me, which one do you like best, the black dress or this blue one?"

Something between a sigh and a chuckle escaped Tom's lips. "Eh, I don't know, I'm not sure if I'm the one to ask. Where is Anna, she could maybe help you?"

"I let her get some rest," Mary said with a roll of her eyes. "She looked like she needed it, and I like to think I'm still capable to decide which dresses I should wear when I'm going on a trip. Anna mustn't do everything for me."

Tom furrowed his brow, not entirely sure why Mary was so annoyed – that is, even more annoyed than usual. "What's the matter? Did Anna say something?"

"Not at all. It's not Anna, really. It's just… Which dress?"

Mary all but pushed the two dresses in Tom's face, so he quickly replied to make her happy. "I think the blue one would look very good on you."

"I agree," Mary said, looking intently at the dress, her lips pursed. "But the black one is rather elegant, don't you think?"

Tom nodded, but also remembered that the last time she had worn that dress was after Matthew had died and Mary was in her mourning period. Nevertheless, he decided to stay silent as to not further annoy Mary.

"Right, black one it is," Mary ultimately decided.

"You mentioned a trip," Tom interrupted Mary's packing. "Where are you going?"

"To London," Mary sighed. "Henry has to be there for his cars and I will join him. And honestly, we have to figure out where we're going to live. We can't very well stay here at Downton, as much as I would want that. It will only be a few days, though, so could you look after George for me, please? I know he won't mind me being gone as long as you are still here. And Barrow of course."

"Of course I'll look after George! And why can't you stay here? The house is big enough for one extra person, and besides, now that Edith and Bertie are engaged, she'll be out of the house soon enough. And we could maybe open up a car shop close to the village so –"

"That all sounds very nice, Tom," Mary interrupted him, "but I don't know. I honestly don't know anything at this point."

She suddenly dropped the skirt she was holding and sat down on the bed, burying her face in her hands.

"Please tell me I didn't make a mistake," she said, her voice muffled by her hands.

Tom was sitting by her side at once, startled. He didn't know where this was coming from but he knew Mary well enough and saw that this was one of those moments she needed his encouragement. He couldn't exactly pinpoint when Mary and he had become the closest people in the house, but he did know that her friendship meant as much to him as his did to her.

"Why would you ask such a silly question," Tom said, pulling Mary's hands away and keeping them in his. "You love him and he loves you, I don't see any mistake."

"But I have to leave Downton! I don't want that, I want to stay here."

Tom shook his head in confusion. "Why do you keep saying that? You don't have to leave Downton if you don't want to. Mary, you belong here."

"But Henry doesn't!" Mary exclaimed, with sudden tears in her eyes. "I hate his car racing, he doesn't want to live at Downton… There are so many things that we don't agree on. I saw that from the very beginning, but everyone kept pushing us together even though I told them not to."

"Mary-"

" _Even_ you, Tom!"

Mary stared at him with wide, angry eyes. "You kept talking about love while it was merely a crush, an infatuation. "

When Mary started talking in the past tense, Tom realized that it had indeed been a mistake.

"I didn't want this," Mary continued. "I was happy here. This is where I belong, at Downton, helping out with the estate, bickering with Edith, laughing with Anna, walking around the fields and the village with you, seeing the kids grow up. Here, at Downton. And I didn't need Henry to complete my life because it was already complete. And now it's too late. I am married now, because I trusted _you_."

Tom couldn't help but feel hurt by her words. He had meant it when he said he wanted her to be happy, but he never thought that his actions would have the entirely opposite effect. "Mary, I'm so sorry," he managed to say.

"Why did you do it, Tom?" Mary's voice had gone from angry and frustrated to sad. "You know me better than anyone else, so why did you push me towards him when you knew I didn't want this? Is it because you wanted to keep him around for your own benefit, for the cars?"

"What? No!" Tom had indeed been very keen on Henry because of the cars, which had always interested him and it offered him some relief when life at Downton got at him. But he would never use Mary as a pawn to his own needs. Henry had become a friend, yes, but everyone at Downton, his family here, they were friends enough. He didn't _need_ anyone else.

"Then why?!" Mary's voice was going up again.

"Because I really thought he would make you happy!"

"Well, he doesn't," Mary said matter-of-factly. "All he seems to do is create animosity between the two of us. Now leave, I need to finish packing."

Tom finally let go of her hands, not realizing he was still holding them. "So you are still going to London?"

"I can't very well call him and say I've changed my mind only two weeks into our marriage, can I? Honestly, Tom, what do you expect me to do?"

"Well I know what I would like you, the two of you, in fact, to do."

The other voice made both Mary and Tom look up startled. The Dowager Countess was standing in by Mary's bedroom door, and from the look of it she had heard enough of the conversation to make her intervene.

"Granny! What are you doing here?" Mary said, still taken aback by her grandmother's sudden presence.

"Oh Mary, don't granny-what-are-you-doing-here me! You've become too old to still beat around the bush. No, sit down, Tom!" Violet said when Tom made a move to stand up and let her sit on the bed.

"Alright, what did you hear?" Mary said in an exasperated tone.

"What _didn't_ I hear? I just came to visit and check up on my son but then I heard the two of you shouting as if another world war had broken out! Poor Carson didn't know if he should intervene so he asked me to look in."

"We're very sorry if we were too loud. We didn't mean to-" Tom started but was interrupted by Violet.

"You certainly didn't mean to do a lot, Tom, but you did."

Even after all these years, the Dowager Countess still had the ability to make Tom feel as if he were still that young and reckless chauffeur.

"Granny, there's no need to be rude," Mary tried to say but she was quickly silenced by a look from her grandmother.

"Mary, why weren't you honest last time we spoke about mister Talbot? You could've told me you had doubts."

"But I did tell you! I told everyone but no one believed I knew what I wanted!"

"And what exactly is it what you wanted? It certainly isn't your husband, so what do you want? Is it Downton? Is it Tom?"

That last remark made both Tom and Mary look at each other in confusion. Tom was the first one to comment on it. "Why would Mary want me?" he asked.

"Well, why wouldn't she?" Violet asked as if it were the most easy question in the world. Alternately looking at both of them, she continued. "You two have been thick as thieves the last couple of years, and as soon as it looks like Mary might be heading towards the altar, you start fighting about the smallest things. What is one supposed to make of that?"

"I do love Tom, but not like that," Mary said with a hint of arrogance.

"I wasn't talking about love _like that_ , dear, merely about your friendship," Violet said with a raised eyebrow, making Mary blush a little. "Now I will leave you and I trust you will put your differences aside once and for all. Even cousin Isobel hasn't irritated me like the two of you have been doing the last couple of weeks."

When Violet left the room, she also left an uncomfortable silence behind.

"Typical granny," Mary said, brushing aside the elephant in the room.

"I still don't understand what she meant by that last comment," Tom said, equally happy to ignore the subject but unable to avoid it altogether.

Mary suddenly stood up, picked up the skirt she had previously dropped, and started folding it to put it in her suitcase. "Well, we have been very good friends for a long time now, and it was indeed a bit harder when Henry showed up. But that is because we are friends, right? Not secret lovers. Besides, we could never be together, it would be such a scandal. Papa wouldn't survive this one."

"That's true. But nevertheless scandals can be overcome with the right attitude."

Mary immediately dropped everything. "Tom, what are you saying?"

Her black brows were furrowed and her eyes were a mixture of fiery anger and utter confusion.

Tom decided it was best to just think out loud for a second. "It actually isn't so hard to understand why people would see us as more than friends. Maybe we are more than friends?"

"But you're my brother-in-law! You were married to my sister!"

"And I loved Sybil dearly, but she isn't here anymore. And neither is Matthew. We helped each other through our losses, and we became friends in the process. It is not the same as it was with Sybil and Matthew, but we are adults now, we have grown together. And we do love each other."

Mary had a look on her face that told Tom she understood what he was saying but had some trouble accepting it. "I do love you, of course," she said, "but I still don't understand. What about Henry?"

Tom smiled at her. "I really thought he would make you happy. And if that meant I would lose you, or part of you, then it was worth it. But he doesn't make you happy. Downton does, and the children do, and I do. You said it yourself."

With a deep sigh Mary sat down on the bed again. "How is this possible? Have we, have I, really missed the signs? Is our love really that deep?"

"I think so," Tom finally admitted, taking her hand in his, which she – thankfully – didn't pull back.

"What about the scandal?" Mary said, her face still puzzled.

"What's one more scandal for you, or for me?" Tom chuckled. "But so you think so too, that we are indeed more than friends?"

"I think so," Mary started tentatively, "Yes, I do. I didn't understand at first, but it makes sense."

"It makes a lot of sense," Tom agreed with a smile, which Mary eventually returned.

They were quiet for a few minutes, each letting the conversation that had just happened sink in, when suddenly they heard the gong announcing dinner.

"We must be going downstairs," Mary said, standing up and heading for the door.

"Right, but first this." Tom stood up as well and grabbed Mary's arm, turning her around so he could kiss her. Now that they both had come to terms with their feelings, it felt good to finally let everything out. Although they had both gone through a lot of emotions in one afternoon, Tom didn't feel like the kiss was weird in one way or another. It felt right. And as Mary pulled back smilingly, saying she should give Henry a call after dinner, he knew that everything would work out in the end. They could both finally be happy.


End file.
